DNAOne of my clients contacted me recently to ask where I sat on the ‘nature versus nurture’ debate and whether I thought people who simply didn’t do what was expected of them could change or was it just their nature? Did I think people can change their performance? Does a one-legged duck swim in circles!?
It’s a very important question though because you must have had the experience of recruiting someone and having great expectations only to be disappointed. Did you make an error of judgment at the recruitment stage by not spotting something about them that’s in their DNA? Possibly; there is evidence for some influence of the genes in people’s habitual behaviour but if you believe that it really is ‘just who they are’ then you’re stuffed and you’d better get head hunting all over again.

However, the full picture on genetic determination of behaviour (and physical matters too) is that the causes of any pattern of behaviour are extremely complex and influenced by many factors outside your genetic make up. This is a great debate to get into and follow all the likely causes of a behaviour but it’s outside the scope of this blog. Anyway, it’s simply much more useful to take the view that a default behaviour is a complex piece of learning that has become habit. This means you can unlearn it and re-learn some other reaction that leads to better results.

So that brings us back to your dilemma over what to do about the under-performing new recruit. Do you have to accept your mistake, cut your losses and go back to head hunting? No, not all. If you look again at Goldman’s competency framework (see previous blog) you’ll see that Developing Others is a key competency, in fact he says it’s the most common one amongst high performing leaders. You can’t do this if you believe “it’s just who they are”. Under this heading Goldman list several key skills you can develop that will help you in turn develop that employee into the one you thought you saw at the interview:

Reward and praise
In the early stages of the recruit’s start with you can actively look for things to reward them for. They may not yet be producing all that you want but can you reward, with praise, the things they are doing right? Basic learning theory shows us that punishing behaviour you don’t want only works whilst the punishment is being administered. When it, or the threat of it, recedes the old behaviour will likely recur quickly. However, if you reward the behaviour (or behaviour close to) what you want this behaviour will continue long after the reward has been given – hopefully it will in fact become rewarding in itself, maybe as they start to enjoy a new-found skill.

Give Good Performance Feedback
How can you reward and praise someone who isn’t up to scratch? Interestingly, this starts with giving feedback and this is something I regularly find is absent when I’m working with a client who wants to improve; no one has given them specificfeedback-comments-road-sign- performance feedback. They may have been criticised but not given feedback. Feedback and criticism or praise are separate things. Feedback is always focused on behaviour i.e. what you saw or heard versus what you expected to hear or see; no comment on the person’s character. Without being told precisely what they did or didn’t do they have nothing to work with to try to change. If you are someone who hates conflict the point is that feedback is not conflict if it stays with the facts but if you avoid giving feedback then you aren’t being fair to the other person nor to yourself as you’re not really giving your recruitment skills a chance.

Now you can begin to look for any behaviour that you can reward with praise that is in line with what you’ve agreed, even if the overall outcome isn’t yet what you want.

Offer Mentoring and Coaching
We might do a future blog on the differences between mentoring and coaching but for now let me just say that I will often ask a client to bring in someone more senior or experienced to act as mentor. Then the three of us, client, coach and mentor will work together. The mentor should be someone who will give expert advice based on their experience and subject knowledge – the coach’s job then is to help the chef turn that advice into actual performance.

As a coaching psychologist, I know the difference between these two approaches and they are skills with great depth (trust me – I’m not just ‘bigging myself up’!) but if you look back at previous blogs you’ll find lots of tips on helping people to set useful clear goals and on using the simple GROW model to start coaching.

Posted by: mikeduckett | March 20, 2018


Can you remember working for a really bad boss?smilies-bank-sit-rest-160739.jpeg

Chances are that it wasn’t because they weren’t clever or smart enough; more likely it was because they weren’t your kind of person. 

Have you heard of Emotional Intelligence? Probably, because now it’s become widely used as a label to describe what used to be called ‘soft skills’. In the kitchen, knife handling or even cooking ability could be regarded as ‘hard’ skills but we know they won’t be enough to get you from sous-chef to executive chef, unless you run your own place where you can promote yourself!

What many industries have realised is that you don’t have to be the cleverest to be the best; it’s the soft skills such as leadership or team working that really make the difference. The term, Emotional Intelligence, first appeared in the mid 1960’s but was really popularised immensely in the 1990’s by the psychologist Daniel Goleman.

In his book, Emotional Intelligence; Why it can matter more than IQ, he starts by referring to the research to show that often the CEOs of successful organisations have a lower IQ score then many of the senior managers that work for them. Their distinguishing success factor is what he called their Emotional Intelligence instead. He went on to publish what he called the ‘competencies of the stars’:EIFrom Goleman (1998)

Notice one of the most important aspects of this: it falls into two main categories of ability; managing others AND managing ourselves. Also, the good news is that any of these competencies can be learned or developed; they aren’t simply in your blood. So e.g. managing the mood you are in is quite possible and you don’t have to take it out on the team when you’re having a very bad-mood day.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that because I’ve referred to them as ‘soft’ skills that are fluffy or cuddly! Part of good social skill is communicating clear convincing messages, even when they are hard messages e.g. things are not going well and change is needed. Developing others includes giving negative feedback when performance is poor and managing conflict means being an assertive mediator.

The crucial point about this is that to be an effective team member or leader you need a balance across all these areas of skill. You can pay to get your profile analysed by someone licensed to use an EI test but for now you could just take a look at the table and ask yourself some searching questions about where your strengths and weaknesses are. Maybe you could even get your boss and team-mates to answer from their perspective – that might start a REALLY useful conversation!

We’ll come back to this idea of emotional intelligence…………………………………….

First published in Staff Canteen
Posted by: mikeduckett | February 19, 2018

Are You Stressed or Performing Under Pressure?

Mind-Body Wellbeing

ache-adult-depression-expression-41253.jpegI’m sure that as a professional you know very well that the mind and the body are intimately connected – indeed you could say they are one and the same, unless you subscribe to Cartesian Dualism (there’s a phrase to drop into conversation!) but I digress. The point is, we’ve known for centuries that it’s the way your mind interacts with external events that determines how you perceive them.

Take a simple everyday experience – flavour. Flavour doesn’t come from the foodstuff itself. Scientists distinguish between taste, which is derived from the food, and flavour which is what you actually experience, which is a combination of taste and other senses plus your mind’s interpretation of these things.

Previously we talked about how the ancient practice of mindfulness has become popular as a means to stay focused on what’s happening in the present moment just as elite athlete’s do when they are performing.  Well one of the big areas of mindfulness application is in stress management and that’s a subject that comes up a lot with chefs!

There’s no denying that when tasks role in and deadlines shorten, the pressure often builds and it can keep building. However, it’s important to remember pressure is not the same as stress. Pressure can come from the outside world or inside your own head; staff can put pressure on you by making demands and on the other hand, you can put pressure on yourself by deciding something must be done within the next 10 minutes. Knowing where the pressure is coming from is useful in managing it but the important thing is to realise that wherever the pressure is coming from, inside or outside, only you can turn it into stress.

You must have heard many people say they work best under pressure but have you ever heard anyone say they work best under stress? Through mindfulness and other mental techniques you can become aware of the thoughts you are using to turn pressure into stress and make some changes. In this blog though, I’m interested in some of the simple physical interventions you can make to protect yourself from the debilitating effects of stress.

Make no mistake, stress can have debilitating effects on your mental capacity: your judgement, decision making and creativity, to mention just a few faculties, so it’s important to do everything you can to perform at your best even when the pressure is on. Because stress is a physiological response due to your body releasing a flood of hormones to prepare you to escape or stand and fight, as well  mindfulness you can take some simple physical steps to change your reactions. Here are just a few you might need reminding about:

Take exercise

Aerobic exercise that gets the blood circulating (brisk walking / running / cycling etc) will pay off in terms of using adrenalin and releasing the body’s natural endorphins in the brain that help bring back a sense of wellbeing. Can you take a take time out for even a few minutes just like all the top athletes do?

Watch what you drink

Reducing caffeine and sugar (watch out for chocolate!) and staying hydrated with plenty of water can have very important effects on your blood insulin levels and your heart rate, which then feed back into the brain and the way you think about what’s happening.

Get good quality sleep

The hours we work are rarely 9 to 5 so it’s vital that when you do get chance to sleep you do it well! This doesn’t just mean getting enough but equally importantly getting the right quality to allow your mind to go through all the sleep stages and be ready to wake up on form.

I’m sure much of this is familiar to you but I wanted to remind you that most of the high performing people I know don’t just know this stuff, they actually practice it and I’m convinced it’s part of their recipe for staying alert, thinking clearly, being creative and inspiring their teams.

Posted by: mikeduckett | July 24, 2017

GROW: Making it work

Plant GrowIf you haven’t been following this series of blogs on the GROW model, just to give you the nutshell catch-up, it’s a way of structuring a conversation with someone with the intention of helping them improve their performance and ‘grow’. It also helps you stay away from taking over and being the one who solves problems because then everyone will bring more and more problems to you. As my old corporate boss said, “never bring me a problem without your solution to go with it”!

GROW stands for:

Goal (how you’d like things to be)
Reality (how they are at the moment)
Options (in how many ways could you fill this gap)

Now we come to the final part of the conversation; W – who will do what, when? What’s the action required to make a change here?

This may seem like the most obvious step in the process and as such hardly needs stating. However, it is as important as all the other steps because if nothing happens as a result of this conversation, it’s just been a nice conversation. Sometimes as you talk this through everything goes swimmingly, with sage head nodding etc. until you ask for commitment to action by a specific person; then you get sounds like someone is being strangled or lots of huffing and puffing along with no eye contact. This is a sure sign this person really wanted you to lift the burden and take on their monkey to feed.

If you don’t agree an action list and just stop at Options, you’re likely to end up with the idea something will change but be frustrated when the same old issue crops up later because no one made the change happen. How many times have you concluded a conversation that had the ideal next step everyone agreed was brilliant, only to look back a few months later and say, “I thought we’d agreed xyz, so why has no one done anything?”

Truth is there’s usually a list of more than one action required and some of them may be yours. For example, when I’m coaching someone and we discuss, say leadership ideas, I may recommend a book I think the client will find interesting. That becomes my action after the session. However even then I would get agreement from the client that they’ll read it.

Tim page27Over the years I’ve developed my own version of Tony Buzan’s Mind Mapping that includes a colour code: notes in blue clouds are about aspirations, black is about current facts etc and red is for Actions: who’s going to do what. At the end of any coaching conversation one glance at my notes tells me that if there’s no red ink on the page the conversation isn’t finished!

One final important point about agreeing actions to follow up is that the best commitment will come from the other person deciding what they should do next, not you. Whilst you may contribute an idea, if you simply end the GROW process by commanding, “do this and do that”’ the whole intent of helping them to grow is diluted and you become the problem solver again.

A friend of mine works for a big name management consultancy and reckons one of the commonest issues, even in big corporations where they waste so much time in meetings, is not agreeing an action list at the end. So they get a big fee in large part for effectively for showing the client how to write a ‘What? By who? By when?’ list – I’m thinking of going into consultancy!

Posted by: mikeduckett | April 12, 2017

Stop Reading Success Lists

Edited clip from my Marlow FM radio show when we discussed a Harvard Business Review Article about the dangers of reading lists of ‘keys to success’

Posted by: mikeduckett | April 10, 2017


sun-flower_3314Let’s remember what we’re focusing on in this mini-series of blogs about the GROW model, which is used as a basic coaching tool to effectively set the agenda for conversations with people you want  to help develop. At the very least it will give you a framework to plan a conversation when you know one of your staff faces a challenge and wants to rise to that challenge.

Critically, also it will help you avoid having to be the ‘solutioneer’ (my term for someone who’s job it is to engineer a solution) rather than the true leader!

To remind you, the steps we’ve covered so far are:

Goal: Clarifying exactly what the objective / goal is that they would like to achieve

Reality: What is the current state of affairs? How far away are they from achieving the objective / goal?

N.B. So far so good but it is very important to remember that the acronym spells GROW and not RGOW. There is a good reason to stick to this order of affairs as letting someone spend their first thoughts on what’s wrong (‘R’) will only help them reinforce the issues. Starting with a view of what they’d like to have happen (‘G’) gives them a better chance of seeing creative solutions when they get to the next step.

Having heard what this person wants to achieve and then how far they are from that, the next step is to think about how to fill that gap. This is the creative, solutioneering opportunity. However, if the other person is to develop and grow (pun intended) the opportunity for fixing things is theirs – not yours.

One of the most requested reprints from Harvard Business Review is the 1970’s paper, “who’s got the monkey?”.   The authors used a great metaphor about how employees with a problem  – a monkey on their back – will, without thinking, try to get their monkey to leap onto the manager’s back, who by the end of the day has loads of monkeys plus his own to feed!

So now we come to Options.options-396267_1280

The question is, what courses of action does your employee see for solving the problem? There are many ways to facilitate and help them find potential solutions, depending on whether this is an informal  5-minute chat or a more involved meeting.

Often a good start is to employ one of the standard brainstorming processes and ask them to list all the possible courses of action. This must be done without stopping to criticise any idea, no matter how stupid it sounds; just list what they COULD do.

So what’s your role at this point? In fact you’re playing the role of facilitator, helping them do the thinking and stopping them writing off ideas. They may quickly get to what they think is an exhaustive list of one, maybe two, choices. Here you can probably add a third to the list i.e. Do nothing. This is a possibility they probably won’t have mentioned so it will serve simply to start them thinking again. Or you could throw in a ridiculous idea, just to get the thinking and the list going again.

For example, I once worked with the managing director of a company that had instituted ‘dress-down Friday’  and become very concerned about how standards had slipped too far, with people turning up for meetings in jeans and T shirts. He was trying to decide how to nip this in the bud without being dictatorial, even though he’d mentioned it to his team before.

His only options as he saw it initially were:

  1. Re-define what smart casual meant in his eyes and hope they took it on board this time
  2. Lay down the law and tell them how it was going to be and what the punishment would be if they continued to turn up under dressed.

Having added the 3rd i.e. ‘Do nothing’ we rapidly got back to the ideas drying up. Then I just suggested he conduct the next meeting in his underwear (I don’t know why I had that thought!) and made him put it on the list. Of course he fell about laughing at the ridiculousness of the idea but he then wondered how they would feel if he did hold the meeting in his dirty gardening clothes. Apparently he did that and it allowed a serious point to be made light heartedly and new agreement reached.

So can you keep the monkeys where they belong and only feed your own?


Posted by: mikeduckett | March 28, 2017

The REALITY of Performance

THE REALITY OF PERFORMANCE In this short series of blogs we’re exploring how you could use the deceptively simple GROW model to develop your own ability to help others get the best from themselves. We’re covering this because we recognise that if you aspire to greater things at work (or elsewhere) there comes a point when it’s not solely about your technical skills. If you can’t get your team to do their best on your behalf the output will not be it’s best.

TTim Galweyhis GROW model was developed early in the history of coaching psychology as a method that would encourage people to take responsibility for their own performance. This idea that people will improve their performance faster if you let them rather than try to make them was pioneered by Tim Gallwey,  a great tennis coach back in the 70’s, who realised that the traditional coaching method of giving loads of detailed instructions could often actually hold back performance improvement.

After years of sports coaching he captured this idea in one simple formula:  P=p-i

I like to think of it as helping people get out of their own way and start learning But I’ll explain more in a moment..

We started with the ‘G’ of GROW which means you start any coaching conversation by checking that the ‘performer’  has a really clear goal. So e.g. if you were working with a member of your team to develop their ability to do the job then you might start by checking what level they want to achieve, that they would regard as perfect.

Once you’re sure you both agree on the goal then (and only then) are you ready to check what’s the gap between what they’re currently producing and the goal. What’s their view of this gap? If you keep them in the driving seat and let them be their own judge, before you jump in and give your own opinion, you stand a much better chance of understanding the real gap between their desired and current performance.

The key to this whole process is listening – the question is, what are you listening for?  listen-300x237

If you listen carefully to not only what is being said but the way it’s being said, you can pick up clues to the reason they haven’t achieved the goal yet. It could be something to do with lack of knowledge or motivation or confidence or a combination of many things that get in the way of performance.

So, back to that formula. P=p-i, where: P = Performance  p = the person’s potential to perform – which is pretty much unlimited so long as they have no learning or physical difficulty i = interference

Notice there’s no ‘+’ sign here; what Tim Gallwey realised was that the coach’s job (your job as performance developer) is not to put ‘stuff’ into the equation but take ‘stuff’ out i.e. interference; whatever is getting in the way of the person’s potential.

To know what ideas, thoughts or emotions are getting in the way you have to listen very closely and ‘read between the lines’ then check your understanding. The traditional approach, to keep telling them what to do in ever more detail or at ever more volume is putting ‘stuff’ in – and for all you know it’s likely to be even more interference!

What comes next is the ‘O’ of GROW which stands for Options but we’ll leave that for next time………

Posted by: mikeduckett | August 15, 2016

GROW (them)!

GROW (them)!


Much of our thinking so far has been about getting yourself in the ‘zone of flow’ so that you can be at your best when you need to be. Often clients speak to me about what they believe are the different elements of performance that make a great leader or CEO  and they will often include for example:

  • Vision
  • Communication skills
  • People Development

There are many more and even these can broken down further, especially the last one. This comes up often as people new to leadership realise they are relying not just on their own skills but their ability to get the cooperation and best out of others. A big part of any leadership role is developing other people.

The stereotypical style displayed in older films is autocratic and highly directive, something that may have been appropriate in those times. In my experience this style is just a stereotype based on some past reality and most leaders develop their teams very differently today. It’s all about how to get the best out of people, which is usually through encouragement rather than punishment (although there is a time and place for strict reprimand).

No matter how in control you think you are you can’t MAKE people learn, you can only give them the best opportunity through demonstration, explanation and creating a culture of trial and error. One simple tool that is the basis of many performance coaching conversations is GROW. If you like you can regard this as your agenda for a conversation and the first point is that it’s not spelt RGOgrowW!

It stands for:

  • Goal
  • Reality
  • Options
  • What, where, when, who

The natural tendency for all of us when asked something like, “what would you like to achieve?”, is to begin our answer along the lines of, “well the problem as I see it is…….”, or “I can’t seem to ……”. We all have a tendency to answer a question about the future with thoughts about the present! Following this thought process would lead you to RGOW; thinking about today’s reality before you know your goal.

If you want to help this person develop their own solutions and their own abilities you can start right here by politely pointing this out and asking them to clear their mind of the present situation and think about what they’d like the future situation to be. There is a good reason for being pedantic about this because I’ll bet the person in front of you already knows a lot about the current situation and could probably talk about it all day; which is a bit like digging a bigger hole.

So do them a favour and politely ask them to stop digging and return to the future; forget the problem for a moment and just think about how they’d like things to be when they’ve succeeded. What you’re doing is helping them employ much clearer thinking about what they’re trying to achieve without undue influence of all the limitations they’ve already created in their heads by dwelling on ‘the problem’ as they see it right now.

When you do this, watch the other person’s face closely and listen. You will probably see a change in their gaze as they also go quiet for a second – you have already shifted their thinking!

I’ll come back to step 2, Reality, next time but meanwhile you might like to catch up on some of the thoughts on goal setting we’ve run before: Goal Setting; How Not to Score an Own Goal

Posted by: mikeduckett | March 25, 2015


(Drawing on the book The Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters)

HumanLast time we talked about being at your absolute best and getting ‘in the zone of flow’. I talk about this a lot with clients and the point is we can’t be at our best all the time; we wouldn’t be human.If you want to know what gets in the way of being on top form the simple answer is ‘life’, certainly life in the kitchen! You might well ask yourself ‘why do I react in a way that takes me out of the Zone?’

You may remember from the Olympics top cyclists like Sir Chris Hoy referring on TV to managing his chimp! Here’s what he meant (after talking to Steve Peters).

There are three key elements to our human brains that I will refer to although Peters goes on to add a few more later in his book.

As humans we were all born with a human inside us and the good news is that this human is the kind of person you aspire to be right now; it has all the potential you could hope for.The thing is, as a human you also inherited your very own chimpanzee which is also a fundamental part of all of us. They both have your best interests at heart but have different roles to play. They both think and react in the present moment, focused on the here and now. However, the chimp reacts very rapidly and processes information based on emotional responses, whilst your human uses facts and logic but therefore takes longer to process the same information.

The third element you have is an enormously powerful computer which will store information from the past so the human and chimp can access this to take account of any lessons they learned in the past that are relevant to what’s happening now. computer

When something happens (e.g. someone criticises your work) your chimp will almost always process the information first and fastest; waking up to assess any threat and ‘kicking off’ in the way chimps do! Meanwhile your human will be processing the same incoming using facts and logic to make sense of it before deciding what to do.Both will look into the computer to see what they’ve put in there in the past that form rules of how to react. but the chimp usually puts in Gremlins in the form of rules like “all criticism is an attempt to score points off you!” – which of course affects the way it reacts now.

Your human slowly counteracts these Gremlins with rules of its own, based remember, on logic and facts, which are called Autopilots. In this case it might read something like, “even criticism can be useful feedback”.

Untitled-1Now it must be said your chimp is neither good nor bad – it’s just being a chimp and your human is tasked with managing this chimp, because let’s face it, reacting fast on intuition can be very useful at times when there really is a threat. Also when you need sheer grit and determination chimps can be really stubborn!

So a couple of guidelines on managing your chimp:

  •  Chimps are 5 times stronger than humans so the rule is ‘never arm wrestle your chimp – you’ll lose’!
  •  Chimps need exercise to burn energy or let off steam and this is best done in a safe environment (like with a trusted friend or my office!). NEVER exercise your chimp at the office – it can cause all sorts of damage!

Its always best to manage your chimp when appropriate by giving it bananas as rewards. The bananas can be used to distract them before they have time to kick off – like forming an automatic routine to listen to criticism, walk away and only decide on its validity when you’ve asked a 3rd party. (You can work on whatever distraction banana manages your chimp).

Another banana might be offered as a reward such as “let’s get though this meeting without one negative comment and then I’ll let you kick off about it all when I phone Mike / trusted friend”.

So there you are: I bet you never thought of using metaphorical bananas at the office before!

Posted by: mikeduckett | March 25, 2015

Getting in The Zone

(First published in Staff Canteen)

FlowLast time I talked about setting goals in a way that helps get your brain in gear. Now let’s think about how to make sure it’s the right gear.

Sports people call this ‘getting in the zone of flow’; it’s when they are at their best.

The last blog mentioned Rule 2: Separate your goal from the performance needed to achieve that goal and stay focused on what you can control – your performance. I can’t emphasise this enough.

When your goal is to have the biggest market share in a market it’s clear you can’t control customers; you can’tmake them buy more of your product than your competitors. A little less obvious is that you can’t control your staff; you can’t make them be creative, attend to fine detail or be customer focused. What you can control are the elements of your own performance such as thinking like a marketing person to gain customer response. What you can control are elements of your leadership such as persuasiveness and inspirational style to give you the best chance of staff responding.

Elite athletes don’t focus on winning or losing, because they can’t control the result. What they focus on is what they’re DOING from moment to moment.

This is all part of getting in the zone – a mental state that has been widely studied not only in sports but in other general walks of life. So what’s it like to ‘be in the zone’? You have almost certainly experienced it already; maybe when you’ve been absorbed by some task – working on an idea in development for example – and time simply flew by. You faced a stiff challenge but somehow you just knew you’d rise to this challenge. That’s being in the zone; when you’re at your best.

So the question is, what’s it take to get into the zone? (Before we say any more let me point out that you can’t force this and you can’t stay in the zone forever!)

  1. There has to be the kind of clear goal we just discussed
  2. The focus then needs to be on the task in the moment i.e. the performance we talked about above. Your thoughts are in the present; what you’re doing NOW (thinking; encouraging; presenting). Your thoughts are in neither the future nor the past (what response you might get tomorrow or did get last month).
  3. The challenge presented by the goal has to be neither too great nor too small. In the same way that playing a set of tennis against Andy Murray would push most of us out of flow and into anxiety, then telling a junior to produce the most complicated market report may well be beyond their skill level and push them to the point where anxiety reduces performance. Equally, on the other hand, Andy Murray would be very unlikely to get into his zone of flow playing me, as my challenge for him would be so low that he’d be pushed into the boredom zone and not play at his best.

wcf4. To get in the zone you’ll need unambiguous feedback; so continuing the tennis example, when you see the ball you served slam in the back for an ace you know immediately that your service action was good. Can you get similar immediate feedback on your performance in the board room/customer’s office? If you’re focused on your performance in presenting a new market campaign and someone says an idea doesn’t sound viable, that’s good feedback. However the more subtle areas of your performance may prove a bit tricky. For example, you don’t always get immediate unambiguous feedback about your inspirational leadership style so you’ll need to be tuned to notice it when you do get it!

These are four key aspects to think about if you want to be at your best and then if you do get in the zone you’ll know because time will distort (as they say, ‘it flies by when you’re having fun’); you will lose any self-consciousness and feel in control. ENJOY!

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